Monday, March 26, 2012

Getting a little Personal

What is a mother to do?  If you know me you know that I have three boys and live for my children.  The reason for this post is that my oldest son Miguel has enlisted into the Navy and the emotions that have followed his decision have been all over the place.  Thought maybe if I share with you, there might be someone who reads this that is going through the same thing and now feels normal or maybe I'm not. 
In December when Miguel mentioned he wanted to join the service I did not take him seriously, we went down this path last year and he decided against it.  I was expressing to him the importance of finding a JOB as any mother would expect of their 18 year old college student.  Miguel would say with a smile "I found a job", I would reply "really", his reply "yes with the US government".  Finally I told my son, if you are serious about the Navy then we need to sit down and talk about it.  In which we did.  Now in trying to give good advice I did not tell him what to do either way, this is his decision that he needs to feel comfortable with.  I would try to make valid points in either direction.  As his mother I really wanted him to stay home and continue his college education.  As a proud American, him joining the Navy would be a very proud moment for me.

His decision has been made and Miguel was sworn in on Feb 2, 2012.  Miguel is now in the DEP program (delayed entry program) so he can finish his first year of college.  Up until this moment I've been very calm and confident with what ever decision he will make.  I prayed ever day since he mentioned the Navy back in December for God to guide him in the decision making process and that I can handle whatever he decides.  Once I heard him say out loud I sign the papers and he showed me his packet I was a mess, well it did not help that his job will be Submarines electronic computer fields, WHAT!!  Subs!!  My lil baby boy!! What the heck just happened??  I was so upset and uneasy.  All these thoughts start going to through my head of how much I will miss him, how much his brothers will miss him (they are all so close) can he handle this, did he make the right choice etc....  Inside my head I was a mess, on the outside trying to be supportive of his decision.  Really big MESS...

Since that day of Feb 2, I was crying a lot.  Once everyone would leave the house I would think and cry.  Now this is were I feel so blessed to have really good friends in my life and one of my really good friends has a son who left for the Air force last summer.  I can call her, she will help and she did.  She would listen to me and tell me Miguel is going to do great, he is going to be fine.  This would help, but I would still feel uneasy and cry.  I called several people more then once especially my sister with tears.  Then two things happened, at least I think this is what caused the turning point or maybe time itself has something to do with it.  First thing:  I was talking with a very dear friend in which I've known for a long time.  Her oldest son is a year younger then Miguel.  She pointed out to me how lucky I was to have a son that wants to challenge himself, tackle something that is going to make him better, stronger and smarter!  Wow, that put things in perspective.  Second thing: Watching a movie with Brian "Friends With Benefits", nothing about the military, but there is a scene at the end of this movie that is the father talking to his son and giving him advice about going after this girl and telling her how you feel for we do not know what the next day has in store for us and life is to short.  You might be confused for Miguel's situation has nothing to do with a girl and such, but the part about life is short and you do not know where tomorrow leads, go for it!!  Well ok, it clicked for me.  My son is going to get see stuff, go places, learn new things.  He has lived in the same 5 mile radios his entire 18 years.  This is going to be so exciting for him.  All of a sudden it wasn't about me anymore, it was about Miguel and what his goals are. Miguel is very bright, charming and kind... I know he will do great things.

Yes I was doing better until Miguel started spending all his time with his friends and a certain gal.  You got it, I'm a mess again.  Now I'm angry and annoyed..  he should get a job (not really he leaves in less then 3 months).  There was this separation thing happening, my lil boy really is growing up and not needing much from me anymore.  This was really hard for me!!  I've spent the last 18 years living for him and his two brothers.  Time to call my friend again "Am I that psycho mom"?  "What is my problem, am I not normal"? She was helpful once again in putting things into perspective.  Things have been rather normal now, Miguel is trying to finish up his semester of college and then he will leave on May 24th.  No tears from me now for over a week, well until last night.  I was talking to Miguel and Morgan, then we were laughing so hard I started to cry.  Told the boys that I was going to miss this!!  Things are changing here and I'm trying so hard to go with the flow.  I continue to pray everyday for God's guidance and for his help in excepting of the changes that are about to happen.  Now my energy will go towards planning a send off party for Miguel.

I'm not a writer so thanks for reading anyway.  Not really sure how well I express my emotions in writing.  I love my family more then anything and I thank God everyday for them.  Everyday I think can it get any better and then it does.  I know it will be so HARD when Miguel actually leaves, wow just typing it makes my eyes tear up. God has a plan, we will continue on.  I will continue to post about Miguel and the Navy adventures that are about to happen.